Right. Time to get all personal again. This time it's about me, and something that I've been struggling with for a long time.
At first glance, I maintain a pretty good facade of looking like a woman who has her sh*t together. But beneath my Charlotte Tilbury foundation and stripey tops lies an anxious mess of a lady who hasn’t slept properly since I was a teenager. Most nights are the same: I lie awake staring at the ceiling as my thoughts race and I struggle to calm my breathing, and if I don’t have anything that's making me panic, I find myself searching for something and getting myself into such a tizz.
Mental health can still be deemed a bit of a taboo subject to talk about, and up until fairly recently I couldn't talk about my experience with anxiety to anybody. Now, I'll talk to anyone that will listen which is how this post has come about.
Don't get me wrong, the subject is definitely talked about more openly than it was back in the day. It's something that people recognise can affect anyone no matter their age, sex and race. One of my favourite characters on TV is Hannah Horvath in Girls, and when I first started watching it I could definitely see a little bit of me in her behaviour – massive high fives to Lena Dunham for writing such powerful, emotive scenes for her character Hannah, and not glamourising it in any way.
Before I go any further, I just want to point out that I am no expert in this. All of the content in this post has been written off the back of my own experience with anxiety, so if I give any advice, it’s from what has helped me.
As anyone out there who has suffered from anxiety will know, the condition can often feel like there’s no escape - simply telling yourself (or other people telling you) not to think negative thoughts or to "focus on the positive" won't work. Our bodies response can be increased heart and breathing rates, tense muscles, a diverted blood flow from our abdominal organs to our brains, and often nausea and a very upset stomach as our body goes into full alert. I’ll put my hand up and say – when it’s all of the above, my anxiety can triple.
Here comes the science bit
- Anxiety is a spectrum disorder that includes panic disorders, generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), phobias, and OCD. These have unique symptoms, but many commonalities. Anxiety is also one of the UK’s most common mental conditions.
- At the last comprehensive survey of mental health issues in England and Wales, over 20 per cent of adults were suffering from some kind of anxiety disorder.
- Women are almost twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and mental health experts say that they’re also more likely to open up about it.
Image via the ever so amazing, Gemma Correll
How can you help
We’ve all felt anxious at some point in our lives. It’s a natural, human response to stress. If you have a friend or loved one that’s struggling with anxiety, it can be difficult to fully get how they’re feeling. One of my closest friends who I have to say has been an absolute gem when I’m at my worst described it as “turning up to a very important exam and being completely unprepared for it”Try and remember a time when you’ve felt anxious – this can help you understand how your friend is feeling. BUT don’t assume that you 100% get exactly how they feel – it’s different for everyone. There’s no one-size-fits-all category for this. I’ve found that talking to a friend or family member about how I’m feeling, with them fully listening and not judging really helps.
What helps me
Stretching - I'm no yogi, but I do find that if I'm feeling extremely anxious, or even having a panic attack staying still is no good. So I will relax my muscles as much as I can and if I'm in a place where I can stretch out (as in home or my office) I will.As well as stretching, I also find that doing something can really help - honestly, it could be cleaning my bedroom, going for a slow walk to the beach (my happy place) or calling someone close to me. I also find that turning my focus on to something helps - whether it's an upcoming holiday, or a book I'm excited about reading this process can be really useful.
One thing I seem to turn to a lot is an app on my phone (hello 21st Century technology) called 'relaxing' it's basically various sounds that you can listen to. I find that listen to the sound of rain can really calm me down, and I often use it to help me fall asleep at night.
If I'm travelling, and I start feeling anxious, I have a few podcasts I listen to. These are a really good distraction as you have to concentrate on what is being said. My absolute fav is Emma Gannon's Ctrl, alt, delete podcast. If you haven't already, give her a listen here. On a recent train journey at 6am in the morning, I had a horrid bout of anxiety, and I have to say it really helped listening to her.
Useful Resources
If you're struggling with anxiety remember you're not alone. Or you may be supporting someone who is struggling, so I've put together a list of sites that may be useful:• Anxiety UK
• NHS Choices
• Mind
• The Mental Health Foundation
Finally, I just want to say - if there's anyone out there struggling, please talk to someone. You'll find it helps. Heck, you can even drop me an email and talk to me about how you feel and I promise, I'll come back to you!
I’ve found the areas that I personally like to spend that bit more and where I’m totally happy to save. I used to spend a fair amount of my wages on what I call ‘disposable clothes’ (trend-led pieces) that I’d see online, purchase and wear only once before donating it to charity or putting it away thinking “I’m sure I’ll wear it next year” and then not.
Today I thought I’d share where I buy my pieces from, and the shops I like to buy them in.
BASICS
I wear basic items from my wardrobe most days, so I like to spend more on these items as I wear them all year round. I find that they’re so versatile and are easy to style with more trend-led pieces, and can take me through the whole day and night. This season, I’ve purchased pieces that have a little bit of extra detail - for example a fluted sleeve to change it up a bit.
Where I buy: COS
SHOES
I refuse to buy cheap footwear – unless it’s a pair of flip flops for the beach. My mum taught me from a very young age that a good pair of shoes is a great investment, and how shoes made out of plastic can be bad for your feet.
Where I buy: Kurt Geiger, Topshop and Office
COATS & JACKETS
I have the same opinion on these as I do when buying shoes! Again, my Mum taught me that a Winter coat is a good investment – living in the UK we seem to wear this item of clothing for much longer than other countries, so spending that little bit more is worth it and can last you years.
Where I buy: Zara, Topshop and Whistles
JEANS
Rewind about 5 years ago, and you would rarely see me in a pair of jeans. Nowadays, I live in them pretty much every day opting for a 'Boyfriend' fit over a skinny fit. Although these are a real staple piece, I don't spend over £50 on them as I think the high street have a fairly good selection and I know what shops to go to for the ones that fit.
Where I buy: Topshop and ASOS
TREND PIECES
When this blog first started out it was 100% fashion, and I would dip in to trends each season a lot. Now it's very rare that I buy into a trend - it's not that I have a problem with them, it's more that it's expensive to keep up with them! If I do find a trend that I like, I'll always go to the shops on the high street / online that I know will have cheaper price points mainly so that I can save money for other pieces that I'll wear all year round instead of just for a few months**
Where I buy: H&M, ZARA & Warehouse
DRESSES & SKIRTS
These are a rarity in my wardrobe - I don't have more than 8! I tend to wear them for work events and special occasions more than day to day, so I will spend that bit more on them. It's strange as I used to wear dresses and skirt a helluva lot but, I don't find them that comfortable now.
Where I buy: Whistles, COS, Warehouse and ASOS
*Wear what the F you like and want to wear, whatever age you are
**or for a new Sophie Hulme bag (shhhh, don't tell the other half)
Self-Portrait Dress // COS Dress // Skirt // Mules // Bucket Bag // Top // Sunglasses // Sweater Dress // Shoes
It’s that time of year again - although it
seems to be a little earlier than the norm, but some shops have already started
their summer sales.
I'm not a massive fan of the sales if I'm honest. It's probably because I can't bear the sight of a mess when the shops on the high street, but I thought I’d give you a selection from the
brands that have started their sales over the past week.
Let’s hope payday comes around quickly this month!
Sales starting this week:
J Crew
GAP
Net-a-Porter
Selfridges
Browns
COS
& Other Stories
Zara
Warehouse
Whistles
Office
Topshop
Let’s hope payday comes around quickly this month!
Sales starting this week:
J Crew
GAP
Net-a-Porter
Selfridges
Browns
COS
& Other Stories
Zara
Warehouse
Whistles
Office
Topshop
Fashion
These Topshop sandals are a pair that I've been whipping out whenever the sun makes an appearance. Comfy, versatile and under £50.
I can't get enough of Whistles at the moment, and when they have their discount days I always treat myself to one or two pieces. This jumper is perfect for the weird weather we're currently having - a total transitional wardrobe piece.
One trend that I never thought I'd see myself rockin' is this Topshop pyjama shirt. I found it in their nightwear section whilst having a late night online browse, and fell in love with the print straight away. It's perfect for wearing with a pair of boyfriend jeans during the day, or try dressing it up with a leather mini skirt at night.
Beauty
The day that Glossier starts shipping to the UK, will be the day that all my beauty dreams come true! I seriously can't get enough of their Boy Brow product, to the point where I'm actually too scared to use it in case I run out. If you've tried it, and you know of a dupe I can get here in the UK, please holla. The rest of the Phase 2 kit is also worth shouting about. See my thoughts on it all here.
Another beauty product I can't get enough of is the Barest Lip Colour from The Estee Edit by Estee Lauder. I have the shade 'In the Buff' along with the matching lip pencil, and it's such a great colour. It goes on fairly sheer, but you can build it to create a fuller look.
Books
I love a good read, and I've read a couple of books over the last few weeks that I've really enjoyed. One being Beautiful Broken Things By Sara Barnard. The story is about teenage female friendships, and it was one of those books that had me engrossed from the start.
Blooms
It's that time of year that get's me all excited - peony season! For about the next six weeks, I'll be decorating the house with my favourite blooms. Watch out on Instagram, as I'm sure they'll be popping up on my feed several times as well!
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